Guilty Pleasure
by Inspiration-Without-Motivation
Summary: Oliver's guilt weighs heavily on his shoulders and a patrol gone wrong brings it out of him. Luckily there's someone who knows just how to help him. *Events in 2x13 between Oliver and Sara have not happened*


"Oliver? Oliver!?" Felicity found the silence almost unbearable as she always did when he didn't respond immediately. She breathed a huge sigh of relief, one she didn't realize she was holding when he answered. "I'm fine."

"And the...?" It was silent for a couple of seconds once more. "I'm done for the night. I'm heading back now."

Felicity cut the signal and sat back in her chair. She rubbed her hands over her tired face and then through her hair before they rested on her knees. Being a support for a vigilante was tough work on a good day but the last couple of weeks had been more taxing than usual. Oliver had been going out more and more lately. It looked like to her that he was trying to drown himself in becoming the vigilante. She wasn't sure what was driving him but she didn't like it.

"He isn't okay... is he?" Diggle moved to lean against the desk Felicity was at. He crossed his arms and sighed at his blonde friend's question. "No he isn't. We both know how Oliver can be. He's going to blame himself for whatever happened tonight."

"But that's stupid. He has to realize that he can't save everyone and when he doesn't that it isn't his fault." Diggle nodded at this. "I think he does. But when he dons the hood and become the vigilante, he feels like he has an obligation to save everyone and if he doesn't, then he's failed."

Felicity now looked over to the empty case that holds the vigilante costume. She hates not seeing it there because that means that Oliver is out putting himself in harm's way.

"I just hope he doesn't beat himself up over it too badly. He doesn't deserve that."

That's exactly what Oliver did. He arrived at the Verdant around a half hour after he turned his com off. It usually takes him less than that but while driving, he saw a mugging taking place and decided to step in. The man was now in the hospital. His entire ride consisted of him replaying the night's events in his mind over and over with his grip tightening and loosening on his motorcycle.

His face remained grim as he pushed his way through the doors of the Verdant. His vigilante costume was stuffed into a duffel bag and his bow and quiver was with his motorcycle in a secret alley outside the club. He couldn't bear to look at either of those things after tonight's events.

One guest was unfortunate to not have noticed Oliver as he was approaching. This caused the man to spill his drink over himself and his dancing partner. Looking back, he probably wouldn't of put his hand on the clearly pissed off man's shoulder. It would of saved him a lot of trouble.

She watched Oliver come in and could tell instantly that something was wrong. He was an often grim figure before, during and after his evenings activities but she had never seen him like this. His entire body was stiff and his fingers were fully relaxed. Usually he would slide his way through a large crowd like this and not make a scene or at the very least give gentle pushes with humble apologies and a charming smile. The fact that he was practically shouldering people who didn't move when they caught his eye had her suspicion growing.

"Um... miss?" The customer diverted her attention for a moment. She looked dazed but realized that she had been just holding the customer's drink without handing it to her. Quickly pushing the drink over towards the customer, she mumbled a half-hearted apology. Her gaze moved back to where she now saw Oliver. She winced as Oliver grabbed and flipped a man over his head and onto his back. She heard the collision from where she was over the crowd and music.

Yup. Something was definitely wrong. Narrowing her eyes, she saw who she assumed was one of the flipped guy's friends approach Oliver. Oh no.

Oliver felt a second hand grab his shoulder and was pissed. He knew it wasn't the idiot who was now lying on the ground probably too sore to move so he figured it was another idiot, probably a friend. He spun and sent his fist flying into the man's jaw. His head flung to the side as he hit the floor unconscious. A shout of protest alerted him to a new threat if you could call it that. He stepped under the punch and heard the man groan as his left fist made contact with the seriously over matched man's side. Now on his knees, he was defenseless as Oliver continued and spun a half circle counter clockwise and hit him between the eyes with his right elbow.

The people closest to the scene watched with open mouths as a third man fell to the ground within fifteen seconds. The most impressive part is that the man now stood up straight and was breathing evenly as he fixed the sleeves of his shirt. He remained calm as a fourth opponent showed himself. The man was a skinny and very drunk male of around 24 and looked extremely pathetic when compared to Oliver.

The crowd drew back and looked on with excitement as the drunk stepped in and threw a poorly executed right hook. The onlookers remained silent as they saw Oliver step forward and block the blow high with his left forearm. Most of the guests watching winced as they heard the cracking sound of a right uppercut as it made solid contact with the man's chin. They were further impressed as the man who delivered the punch pivoted on his left foot so his right foot was back. Oliver had had enough of these people trying to fight him so he wanted to make a point. It was made.

He spun back over his left shoulder but this time, he landed a kick with his right leg straight to the chest of the man who had no defense as he could barely stand. People parted with openly shocked faces as they saw the man fly through the air for a couple of meters to crash into a table, bringing it and two chairs down. When all looked back, the man was still calm and breathing evenly.

Sara saw the second man fall to the floor with no effort from Oliver. After that a crowd had formed and blocked her view. She couldn't hear anything now over the music or see anything when she craned her neck and stood on her toes. She was smart enough to guess what was taking place and prayed that Oliver didn't hurt the fools too badly. Not even a minute later, the crowd parted and gave her a clear view of the drunk flying through the air. She winced once again as the chairs and table fell with the man who was now lying on the floor.

Her gaze lifted from the pathetic sight to a much more impressive one. Oliver's face was as calm. But if anyone were to look closely and knew what to look for, they would see that his eyes were entirely different. The normally kind bluish green eyes were now blazing. She could see no trace of warmth or kindness there. His eyes met hers and her look changed from one of interest to one of sadness. His remained the same.

Her gaze stayed glued to him as he walked further into the crowd. She didn't need to watch him the entire way to know he was heading to his lair. After that incident, she hardly spoke to customer or co-worker for the rest of her shift.

Felicity was trying her best to seem uninterested in Oliver's behaviour but found her faze constantly sliding over him. He had pulled the tire out into an open area of the room and proceeded to work on it with the sledge hammer. Her eyes followed as his arms moved up and down with a loud bang at the end of each motion. The way his legs tensed when he began the downward stroke. The way his arms flexed with each movement was captivating to her.

There was no doubt that Felicity found Oliver attractive. Every woman in Starling probably did and even if you weren't into guys, you couldn't deny how attractive he was. Felicity would often watch and openly admire whenever she could. If Oliver ever minded however, he never said anything to her.

This time Felicity didn't like what she saw. A blind man could tell Oliver was upset. She had of course seen Oliver mad or annoyed after a night before but never like this.

"Staring won't help." Felicity jumped at the sound of Diggle's voice softly beside her. Her knee had hit the underside of the desk causing a loud bang to echo throughout the room. She turned slowly back to Oliver who had stopped his excursions to look at the source of the noise. He wasn't stupid. He knew she was studying him just like always.

"Felicity?" "Yeah sorry Dig." They both watched as Oliver dragged the tire back out of the way and moved over to the Salmon Ladder and jumped up to the bar.

"You know he's going to be like this for a while. He'll probably stay on that thing for the next half an hour." Felicity sighed. "Yeah I know. I like watching him doing it most days because of... yeah but not this time. Not when he's like this." She paused as she glanced back at Oliver who was now beginning to make his way up the ladder. "I just wish we could help him somehow."

"You know Oliver. He likes to do things on his own, to not rely on anyone so that when he needs to do things on his own, he knows he can. If he can't take care of himself, how can he take care and protect others. So when he lets someone die or he doesn't save them, he takes it as his fault because he's not good enough. Because it was on him and _he _failed."

Their conversation had a steady _'chunk-chunk' _of the bar hitting the holders on the Ladder so Felicity jumped again that night when they heard a loud crash. They heard a groan from Oliver but neither could see him. Standing up, Felicity could see Oliver on the ground in a curled position with the bar a few feet away from him.

"Oliver!" She quickly rushed over and knelt beside him. Diggle had moved to stand a few paces behind the two in case he was needed. "Are you okay?" The blonde frowned. She couldn't make out the words of Oliver's mumbled reply. He was now in a kneeling position with his backside resting on his feet and his head bowed.

"Oliver..." Felicity slowly reached her hand out to rest it on his shoulder. "Oliver? Are you-" She was cut off by Oliver violently shaking free of her grip. "I'm fine." Felicity landed back sitting on the ground with a soft thud. Diggle's eyes narrowed at Oliver as he turned to look into Felicity's eyes. He held her gaze for a couple of seconds and saw the hurt in them at the way he treated her.

Their eyes stayed locked as Diggle moved to help Felicity up. She looked away to mutter a quiet thank you and Oliver took the opportunity to stand up.

"Oliver. Whatever happened tonight, whatever went wrong, it's not your fault." Oliver stayed quiet. He had now moved over to the wooden dummy and was starting with simple combinations. "Oliver. You can't save everyone. You can't plan for every little thing."

"But I should be able to adapt to them Dig. It's what I've been training for, it's what the hood I wear means. I should be able to save people, they expect me to save them."

"You're only human Oliver and that means you're not perfect. It means that you make mistakes."

"Then why do my mistakes cost other people their lives?"

Felicity was watching the argument quietly. "Come on Dig. We can't do anything here." Diggle sighed and followed Felicity up the stairs to the club. "Oliver... feel better." The sound of Oliver striking the dummy soon became drowned out by the club's music.

Sara had just finished her shift for the night and was thankful for it. Earlier she saw Felicity and Diggle exit earlier and made eye contact with both of them. The look on their faces told her more or less what happened. She nodded when Felicity took out her phone and shook it while mouthing the words 'call me'. She was doing that now outside the front entrance to the Verdant. Felicity knew what Sara wanted to talk about so she wasn't offended when Sara cut right to the chase.

"Is he okay?" "Not really. He was really upset and just set to working out like a madman. Diggle tried to talk to him and I tried to help but he just shut us out."

"Yeah I saw him take down 4 guys on his way in without breaking a sweat."

"Really?" Sara heard the confusion in Felicity's voice and frowned herself. "He seemed off when he was down there. He fell off the salmon ladder and when we were leaving he was using the dummy. But his strokes were off time I guess? They didn't sound like they usually do."

Sara's frown only deepened at this. "Alright I'll try and get through to him. Do you know what happened tonight?" "Oliver wouldn't talk about it. He was responding to a police call about a hostage situation at a house."

"Alright thanks Felicity."

Sara heard the rhythmic sound of Oliver hitting the dummy as she was descending the stairs into the lair. She had decided to play it by ear and see how Oliver would react to her help. It was a little different coming from Felicity and Diggle since Oliver and Sara had been through so much together. She knew how the island had changed him. She knew what it was like to keep secrets from the ones you love. She knew so much about him.

It was this knowledge that had her heart straining when she saw him. He hadn't seen her enter so she took the moment to just watch him. He had his back to her as he was pounding away on the dummy. He started his routine by hitting one of the protruding bars with the back of his open right hand. He followed that up instantly by striking the same bar with his left palm, moving it across his body and upwards. He finished the combo by hitting the post with his right elbow below the bar. All of it took less than a second.

This wad made even more impressive by the fact that he wouldn't stop and re-set himself when starting a new combo. He would just continue by making them flow one into the next all while picking up speed. Sara knew she could fight well but she wasn't sure if she was on Oliver's level. Being trained by Ra's Al Ghul himself made that simple fact alone all the more impressive.

Oliver had started a new routine new and this time, Sara took to studying the multiple scars across his back. She saw burns, stabs, slashes, engravings and bullets. She knew not all of those came from the island so after they got separated, he had to of gone through hell. 'We both did' she thought to herself.

She must of made some sort of noise because Oliver had jumped to the nearest table and grabbed a knife. When he completed his roll and was standing again, he had the knife aimed above his head ready to throw at the intruder. Sara however stood calmly, one hand on her hip and an eyebrow raised.

"My you do know how to greet a lady don't you?" She had hoped her joking attitude would get a similar reaction from Oliver. She was disappointed. Oliver had only relaxed his muscles and placed the knife down onto the table. "Sorry I thought... you were someone else." Sara nodded more to herself than to him as she took in his justification of being ready to kill her. 'He's edgy' she thought.

"You okay? Between almost killing me, obliterating that dummy and treating your sister's customers like ragdolls, you seem tense."

"Do I?"

"Well more tense than usual." She smiled to let him know that she was teasing him. It slowly faded as he just went back to his routines on the dummy. She figured that he would at least humor her attempts at joking but flat out rejection? Now she was really worried. Her voice showed that.

"Ollie..." He heard the tone in her voice and decided to look up. The dummy was still shaking when he took a breath and met her eyes. Sara was usually hard to read, part of being trained by the League of Assassins. This time however, her eyes were full of emotion. He could see how worried she was, worried about him.

"Sara... I'm fine. I just had a rough night."

"What happened?" Her eyes followed him as he moved to lean against one of the tables around the room. He crossed his arms over his bare chest before he spoke.

"Felicity told me about a hostage situation reported to the police. It was just a vigilante night, no mission or target, just a patrol so I took it. When I got close to the house, my communication went down and I saw the police having the same problem. Police report said one hostage and one suspect so I figured it would be simple."

Sara watched as he took a huge breath to calm himself. He closed his eyes for a couple of seconds. When he opened them, he found Sara's staring back.

"The situation was way worse. The house was filled with at least eight people plus the hostage and main suspect. The leader had the hostage and when I took out the first two guys, he moved her back into another room. I took down the rest and asked who they were and why they wanted the girl. He explained that they were all family and that the little girl was the leader's daughter. His wife was fighting for custody and he figured he was going to lose so he asked his family members to help take her. Apparently the mother was able to call the police and that's why they were they."

Sara was nodding along with the story. So far Oliver hadn't gotten to the point that messed him up but she could guess where the story was heading.

"I went to go retrieve her and when I entered, he had a gun to the mother's head and the daughter was in the corner, too afraid to move. He told me that if I moved, he would shoot her. I put my bow down and told the two girls that it would be all right. I tried to reason with the man and told him that if he stopped what he was doing, I would allow him to see his daughter."

Oliver had a sad look in his eye as he told the next part.

"He wasn't a bad man. I could see it in his eyes. He had never hurt anyone before and never wanted to. If anyone could be considered bad in the room it was probably his wife. He was about to agree to my deal when the police decided to make themselves known. He said that I lied to him and that I called the police in. He shot his wife and then grabbed his daughter."

"Then what Ollie?" When he didn't continue, Sara moved and rested her hands on his arm. "You can tell me Ollie."

"I told the police to stay out of it and that the man was dangerous. I guess he heard me. He started yelling how I wasn't going to help him, only lock him up and put his daughter into an orphanage. He said that his baby girl was too good for that and that she needed to be with him."

Oliver had his eyes closed while telling this and finally he opened them. Sara could see them rimmed with tears, something she did not expect to happen.

"Next thing I knew, he pulled out a trigger and pulled it. I guess he had rigged the upper floors with explosives or something and the place was coming down. I rushed forward but I was too late. The last thing I saw was the man holding his daughter. Finally the smoke cleared and she was there Sara. She was barely alive but she had somehow survived."

Sara's own eyes started to water as she saw how emotionally taxing this was for Oliver. She could feel his will being tested.

"I tried to lift the rubble off of her but that wasn't what killed her. She was impaled by a piece of wood."

Sara watched as the tears flowed from Oliver's eyes to land on his clothes. She moved to wrap her arms around him as he sobbed into her shoulder.

"She was so young Sara. And so innocent and I couldn't save her. She asked to hold my hand. She said it'll give her strength because I'm strong and that I save people. But I let her die."

"Ollie... that wasn't... it isn't your-"

"My fault? I went in there alone, I was the one that made the man snap, I was the one that couldn't save her." Sara watched as Oliver tore himself away form her grip. His hands grabbed the edge of the table and his knuckles turned white from the strain.

"It was exactly like Tommy. The building, the rubble and the way they died. I couldn't save Tommy or that little girl. I couldn't stop the earthquake. I couldn't save Shado. So many dead because I wasn't able to save them... because I wasn't good enough."

Sara herself was now crying as she saw Oliver break down. She knew how guilty he had felt over Shado's death and figured he held the same weight with Tommy. It was guilt that had made Sara break her oath to the League of Assassins so she knew very well what Oliver was going through.

"Ollie... you are a great person. You're strong and you have a good heart. You fight for what you believe is right and you never give up. No matter what life threw at you, you always managed to deal with it and learn from it. You know you can't save everyone and those that have died, they loved you for who you were. They don't blame you Ollie, nobody does."

Sara reached up to place her hand on his cheek. "Except for you."

Oliver sighed and his own hand rested on top of Sara's. "Ollie. You have saved so many people so please don't ever feel like you're not good enough."

"You know me better than anyone and you know the things I've done."

"And I still think you're good. If you were truly bad, you wouldn't feel this way because of death. Ollie... I thought of you every day. When I thought I couldn't go on, I thought of how you wouldn't give up and how you wouldn't let me give up. It's because of you that I'm alive today Ollie. So please."

She turned his head to face her and she held his gaze, nothing but love and compassion pouring out of her eyes.

"Please stop doing this to yourself."

She closed the distance between them and kissed him. He had forgotten how soft her lips were and found himself getting lost in the feeling. His hands moved to her waist and he pulled her closer to him. The kiss wasn't a simple pecking of lips but it wasn't a lust filled one either. It was a heated dance of lips on lips, each pouring what words couldn't describe into it. They both sighed when the kiss broke and their eyes opened to find themselves staring at each other.

This time he closed the gap first and his hands moved up to her shoulders, slipping her outer jacket off. She felt his hands skim down her arms to rest once again on her hips. She wanted to feel his hands on her however so she separated herself from him and slipped her shirt over her head, leaving her in only her sports bra.

She jumped up and wrapped her hips around his as his hands supported her. Their mouths stayed locked as he guided them towards the bed he had set up in the lair. He set her down gently and began to crawl up above her. He had his hands on either side of her face so he wouldn't crush her and leaned down to continue their kiss.

Sara had thought of Laurel and knew that she would be angry. Any guilt however was blocked from her mind as the sensation of Oliver moving his way down her neck to her chest took over.

This night was going to end a lot better than either of them thought.

"Thank you" he sighed.

"It's my pleasure"


End file.
